So we roll the dice,
See where they may fall
Come on, why don't we spin the wheel
See whom it may call
To give into temptation
To Win it
Or maybe lose it all
Who knows
Where the whims of fate may lead us
-The Whims of Fate, Persona 5
Last Wednesday, I found myself in my optometrist's office in tears. It had been over 2 months since I've been unemployed, scraping by on hopes, prayers, and our chosen family. I explained to him what was going on, just everything that I had kept inside decided to spill out while this guy was trying to check my retinas for diabetic retinopathy. I'm pretty sure I made his job a lot harder (and he made my job a little harder by shining a light in my eyes when I had a headache, but I digress), but it just all came out. He gave me some assuring words that made my day.
Well, Darunia, the good news is you don't have diabetic retinopathy.
Thank fuck for that; I already had enough on my plate.
I felt at that point that this was it; I'm never going to find another job, I'm never going to be able to afford anything else in my life for the rest of my life, and then I'll die in a ditch somewhere. On the other hand, I had to remember one simple truth in the year of our lord and savior Cthulhu's 2025.
This job market is ass. Even more so when you're not "disabled enough" to be considered disabled in the eyes of the Social Security Administration. Here's the thing: some employers don't think that diabetes is something that needs accommodation (fun fact, yes, it does sometimes, especially when it's uncontrolled like mine). Then there's my back issue, which is chronic at this point and only getting worse. That eliminates several opportunities right there. What can I do that won't fuck with my blood sugar or make my back worse? The jobs I worked at were perfect in that I sat for most of my shift, and if I needed my blood sugar to not be at 45 (45 is my lowest so far--not sure how I was functional), I could have a snack at my work station. Oh, and the bonus of being able to listen to podcasts while I worked to drown out the ambiance of people yelling obscenities and machines beeping.
The uncertainty of it all. The stress of it all. It's horrible.
I was getting two responses from employers after I sent them my resume with hope in my voice. It was either "sorry, we went with someone else" from a canned no-reply email, or...*silence*. Enough of that can break a person. I can see that happening to me. I broke on Sunday. I reached out to a company with my resume on LinkedIn. I didn't have much hope left. At this point, I wasn't expecting anything back. Not on a Sunday, obviously, but maybe not this week. Or this century. I was doomed, I thought.
The next day, I get a response. I GOT A RESPONSE!! Holy fucking shit, I did this on a whim and it actually worked?! It was the actual president of the company. He wanted to keep in touch with me in case they can take me on at least part-time at first. I'll take part-time. I'm probably going to need to pad my income with something else for the time being, but I can use this time to still work on content creation. Anyway, he messaged me again asking if I wanted to start this week. I was going to say "sure, I'll start tomorrow", but then saw all my laundry piled up and said "hey...can I start Friday?"
So that's how I ended up with a new job after breaking down at my eye doctor's office. I wouldn't recommend this, but sometimes you need an extra voice telling you, "hey, everything will be all right," even if you think everything is falling apart around you. We needed a W after all this and I did something that I probably wouldn't have done if I didn't spiral into doom and gloom. All I know right now is that it pays more than I would've if I stayed at the other job that quit on me in May. I may have found a new place that is willing to work with me through my health challenges. I won't be alone doing it either because my wife is right there cheering me on, even if she's going to miss our time together in the afternoons. The timing was just right. The whims of fate gave me a win.